Note: I allowed the following to flow through me this morning. I use to write this stuff on paper and in my journals in the past. They are buried away in boxes (so is the life of a military spouse). Today it came out on computer. It is incredibly scary and vulnerable to share what comes through me at times like this. This is a cathartic blog. Having caught up on my morning World news, I was balling. From violent shootings in the US, villages being raped and torn to pieces in the name of dogma, starvation and lack of fresh water in the Middle East, and millions of people being displaced around the globe due to catastrophic weather patterns…it felt, and feels, too much. It makes me so angry, so sad and then when I just let it out, cry until I can barely breathe, I begin to hear a calming voice that keeps me focused on something higher than myself. Honestly, to me it feels like my version of “God” trying to talk me off the roof, bring more love into my life, and to make sense of all the suffering.
To share the following is terrifying. However, in the last year something shifted in me. I use to be more reserved and afraid of what others thought of me. Now, if something terrifies me, I say “fuck this shit” (meaning the fear) and I do it. This FTS attitude, has been incredibly healing for me and for many others who have written to me encouraging me to keep up the online presence, or writing, or authentic shares. So yes, I’m sharing the following below, unedited. I’m not even sure if it makes sense. Maybe there will be something in it. Maybe not. But at least I feel better now that it’s out than keeping it in stuffed in some corner of my crying heart.
I use to tell my mom as a child, “If I can positively impact the life of one person before I die, then I will have lived a fulfilled life.” She reminds me that I have already done this. I now realize I’m upping my own game. From here on out it is my heart’s and life’s mission to positively impact the life (i.e. reduce suffering) of as many people on this planet as possible, including myself. My own experiences and past will not control me. I will use them as tools for my own growth so I may shower as many people on this planet with love and aloha as possible.
With this said, I’m giving you a huge hug right now. No, even bigger than you imagined. I love you!
There is a saying in Chinese medicine, “When treating a person, above all you must treat the Spirit first.” It sounds woo-woo, sounds out there but it is Truth.
The biggest cause of fear in our World is our disconnection being talked about as our “differences.” The biggest cause of illness and dis-ease is STRESS from this disconnection. No, that is not empirically researched, that is straight up living, learning, and dedicated observation in trying to understand life. This country, our world, our communities and our families are divided not by a real division but an ILLUSION of a division that stems from a lack of connection with their True Nature, their Spirit, and a belief that different means bad or wrong.. The only Truth’s I know are: everything is always changing, death will happen, and we are already whole. However, most people choose to live out and live in their illusion of their lack of wholeness.
The Founders of the US Constitution, pure geniuses imo, were correct when they said, “we were all created equal.” Truth. However, the interpretation that we all have equality from that moment forward is an interpretation. It is false and another illusion to believe that each person born into this world is equal. The only equality that exists is the unity of a whole being that is uniquely different from all the other 7 billion other people on this planet. What is true is that each person on this planet is uniquely there own and whole just as they are. Nothing else is equal. Rather than push a false narrative that we are created, born, and live equally is just false. What makes this human existence truly our own, divine, and unique is that from the point forward after creation (when the sperm meets the egg) a whole host of factors beyond our control and within our control begin acting on us and it is how we respond consciously, physically, and unconsciously that make each of us uniquely our own person. Created equal and get to live equal are NOT and will never be the same human experience. We are different and we need our differences in order to be uniquely our own self. But there exists an illusion that differences equal bad and since we do not want to support the “bad” we disconnect. The illusion exists that because you are different, we cannot connect, or share similar experiences, bond, or have discussions regarding our differences. The illusion is just that, a false veil. Differences are good. Differences are what makes sushi, sushi and lasagne, lasagne. What gets us in trouble, what divides us, what makes us want to be right over the idea of being free is when we begin to live disconnected or separate ourselves from things that are different than us or our beliefs. Difference’s exist. Disconnection exist. But differences does not have to mean disconnection. Disconnection will always lead to suffering…as every traditional healing method that has survived the test of time all say…disconnection from our Spirit brings about death.
What I see, what I feel, what I witness, what I have learned every time I fear and work with people in a studio or clinic setting is that people are living in their illusion of separateness and disconnection rather than allowing themselves to live in connection with self, others, nature, and hence the world around them. And I don’t care how religious you are, how many times you pray or meditate or do a sun salutation, religion is not a deep connection with your higher self and your version of God, Universe, Love, Oneness.. It might mean a connection but if it is, than you’re not offended by the above statement because you know you’re connection is Divine and doesn’t need labels. Connection is about something deeper than a weekend pot-luck and group or affiliation or how far back you can bend. Connection takes you deeper to a place that is about walking your talk and living your message.
Perhaps if we all asked ourselves these questions everyday we would know if we were living connected or in the illusion that disconnection.
Do you care about how you treat yourself, and what you say to yourself in the silence moments when the lights are out and you’re about to go to bed, when someone is attacking you physically, emotionally, or mentally?
Do you care about how you treat others when they are right in front of you but more importantly when they are not in front of you?
Do you care about how you treat Nature, the very Earth that gives you all your sustenance (food, water, sources for shelter, cars, and technology).
Are you walking your talk?
Do you care more about being right or free?
Have you sat with your own fears and really analyzed them? Have you sat with your past? Your trauma? Your experiences? Those skeletons in your closet and really allowed yourself to heal and get help? Or did you disconnect with that part of yourself and push it aside. Whether you were raped or are the rapist, the child being hit or the one hitting both are whole people just responding and protecting their illusion to fit what they thought was their reality, what was real, what right, what was needed to stay “safe” or in “control.” But surprise, you are whole (always have an always will be) and it, all that stuff, your past, your experiences, are still with you, just stuffed away in some corner of your consciousness, heart, and tissues persistently trying to have a life of its own until one day you have a break down and it can finally release itself. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t mean you’re bad. We are just Spirits having a human experience and the rules are not so black and white.
We are trained from a very young age to protect ourselves, and figure out what is “right” and what is “wrong.” As we get older though, we have the ability to think for ourselves and to wake up to the illusion. Wake up to the fact that you’re living in an illusion that you choose to live in or live out. If you’re living to be “right” than you are not free and you’ve pushed your Soul aside in favor of your mind’s ego, little brain, cultural norms, or safety, literally the caveman/cavewoman aspect of yourself. And that’s fine if you want to live that way. Honestly, the majority of our planet has to live that way because of safety and needs based living (think Maslow’s hierarchy here). But if you’re reading this, if you are part of the population that gets to live life outside of your minimum and basic needs of food, shelter, water, and physical/mental safety then it’s time to wake up. You ask yourself why the World looks the way it does? It’s because the people who have the ability to wake up AREN’T. They are choosing to be RIGHT over FREE. They are choosing to hold on to an illusion that our differences are somehow bad, wrong, ugly, or unsafe and disconnection is the solution. It’s time to DISCONNECT with the illusion and CONNECT with your Spirit, your true nature under all the veils you, your family, your culture has placed on you. It’s time to wake up. Enough is enough. Wake up. Wake up. Take responsibility for YOUR life, for your choices, for your words, your actions, your thoughts and reconnect with what matters most…your connection to your Spirit, that silent voice within that is trying to be FREE. Stop stuffing that voice away and needing to be RIGHT.
When was the last time you really looked into someone’s eyes? Not an IG feed eyes or a FB feed eyes but the eyes of your neighbor? The stranger walking past you? The person making you your favorite $5 coffee drink? And people get all up in arms about people who cover their hair, or wear veils, or wear booty shorts but does anyone look in the eyes anymore? This is what I’m talking about. I’m guilty of it too but when I catch these things in myself I really want to make a difference and take the steps to make a change within myself. This doesn’t make me better or worst, maybe a little self-centered, but I’ll take it. My form of self-centered allows me to feel good about who I am and give my love openly despite your color, race, cultural background, or disease.
Reconnect to your Spirit and you will find at first that it feels like your life is falling apart. It is, because if you want to live connected with Spirit with your True Self than you can’t continue to live the same way you have been in fear, illusion, and disconnection. But not all things that fall apart are broken. Things falling apart is the illusion of your separateness and disconnection breaking apart allowing your life to reflect something more connected. Will it feel like you’ve lost control? YES, 100% but that’s the point. When you try and control your life, that being “right” is better than being free, you have to build up a lot, A LOT, A LOT of barriers and walls to maintain that disconnect and way of life. However, the more you continue to allow yourself to be connected with your Spirit you will begin to see your life take shape in ways that feel easier and more alive, and things you once would have dismissed as weird or from the twilight zone are now signs and serendipitous messages. The differences won’t seem so scary anymore and the fear based living will slowly subside.
So yes, treat the Spirit first, not last. Treating the Spirit is treating the body and the mind. It’s all connected. Disconnect with the illusion that different is bad or wrong. Reconnect with your breath. Reconnect. with Nature. Nature has always healed, always will heal, and will always continue to heal for those who want to reduce suffering. So go outside. Take a breath of fresh air. Put your feet in the dirt. Get dirty. Worry less and embrace all of it as if it were your own child.