Even bees get “Bahrained”

#bahrained is a common hashtag used in conversations among my American friends living in Bahrain.  It’s hard to describe #bahrained unless you live here.  It’s kind of like an inside joke but the joke is on you.  Bahrained is typically an unfavorable outcome or describes a situation that only seems plausible and acceptable in a place like Bahrain.  In addition to #bahrained there are also the regularly used #bahrainproblems and #inshallahtiming.  Let me use my week to shed light on insiders’ terms and give you a glimpse of what life can be like living in Bahrain.  Note to reader: I did not make up any of this.

I pick up my car, the Island Beater, from the mechanic on Sunday night.  I don’t drive it at all on Monday. On Tuesday, as I’m driving to teach my first class at a new yoga studio, my Island Beater overheats because the water tank decides to fall apart.  I’m stuck turning the AC off and turning the heat on in 118F/48C degrees hoping it will help cool the engine off.  Simultaneously I pray to God, and every remover of obstacle deity I know, that I can make it over the one stretch of highway that is a bridge with  no shoulder and no exits.  #bahrained

I make it across the bridge and even further than I had anticipated.  Eventually, my car finally dies in the middle lane and everyone honks at me and gives me the Bahraini hand swat in mid-air as if I’ve purposely let my car die in the middle of the road trying to ruin their day. #bahrained

#Luck: My car turns back on.  I go back into prayer mode, “please car, please car just get me to the studio.  please.”  I’m giggling with how ridiculous my morning is.  It’s only 7:48am.  At snail’s pace,  pleaful chanting, and reassuring car talk like my car is trying to have a baby, I putter my way to the yoga studio.  The car dies as I turn into the parking lot. BUT I MADE IT!!!  I think, “it’s not a bad day after all.”

I’m dripping sweat because I’ve been driving with the heat on in 118F/48C degrees.  I run into the yoga studio for a sweet surrender and cold escape only to discover the studio’s AC and electricity are not working.  Not joking.  Seriously #bahrained!

I pull my phone out of my bag only to be reminded my phone died the night before (not joking) and I’m using a backup phone with no contact information for any of my “guys”–not the car/mechanic guy, not the tow truck guy, not even my Bahrain friends. The only number I have is Tad’s because it’s his old phone but then I realize he isn’t allowed to have his phone with him at work so I’m texting all my updates to a turned off phone sitting in a locker. #bahrained

#smartphonesforthewin:  I go to open Facebook to start my search for phone numbers, tow trucks, mechanics, etc. and discover the FB app is not loaded on the phone and there isn’t enough memory to download it.  Thank god for plain old internet on a phone.  I think, “I love you Steve Jobs.” 

I have to choose where to rectify my situation: inside the studio with no AC but a roof to cover me from the blazing sun OR outside with a slight breeze.  It’s now a feel temperature of 122F/50C degrees and the iPhone6 is beginning to get hotter and hotter with every search and phone call I make and the battery is draining like crazy. #bahrainproblems

#LifeisGood:  It’s now Wednesday…I go 24 hours without anything “exciting” happening.  My car actually got towed to the right mechanic.  My kids are sort-of listening and not draining my soul with whining.  It’s a good day. I’m also headed to a sunset SUP yoga paddle session with a Bahrain bestie.

I’m being a good global citizen by picking up the trash in the water as I paddle around only to pick up a bag of ground beef and half of it is still filled with flesh (semi-cooked because the water is so warm) and it flies across my legs, arm, and board.  Beef?!  Who finds ground beef in the ocean?!  #bahrained.

It’s still Wednesday, the sunset was beautiful and I’m relaxed knowing I got all my #bahrainproblems out of the way for the week.  I was wrong.  Just as I’m finishing up I receive a text from our nanny that there is no running water at the house.  Surprise, I just got #bahrained…again.

On the way home (my friend is driving) the mechanic calls to say he thinks he’s fixed the car but he can’t be 100% sure. Furthermore, I can come to pick up the car tonight and hopefully, it doesn’t overheat again or I can leave it with him until tomorrow and he’ll double check the engine in the morning. I decide to go another day without a car and now start to realize I may have to cancel work because I don’t have a car and possibly running water.  #bahrainproblems #bahrained

It’s evening prayer time and close to dinner so my landlord and his brothers are not checking their phones and receiving my calls.  I need the plumber guy ASAP but I don’t have his number because remember, I still don’t have any phone numbers because my phone is dead.  #bahrained

My landlord comes over and realizes he can’t fix the water, he’ll send someone over in the morning…Inshallah.  I don’t hold my breath because that literally translates to, “someone will come to check out the water situation in the next week.”  Let me introduce you to #inshallahtiming.

I smell like dying flesh because I haven’t showered all day but have sweat like crazy teaching yoga both on land and in water and had to walk to and from the yoga studio in 110F/43C degrees (because my car is still at the mechanic’s), and I still have remnants of semi-cooked beef juice on my arms and legs.  HOWEVER, Tad tells me there is water in the upstairs bathroom.  YES!!!  So I squat under the trickling stream of water, lather up and scrub the beef juice areas extra hard, turn the water on to finally wash off and THERE IS NO MORE WATER.  NONE.  NOT EVEN A DROP. I’m forced to wipe off the soap with drinking water, a washcloth, and baby wipes.  #bahrained.

#Luck:  It’s now Thursday morning, less than 48 hours after my car died and about 60 hours since my phone died, and the plumber guy actually shows up.  It’s the first time in a full year someone has shown up when they said they would.  Inshallah THAT!  It’s going to be a good day.

Thank goodness I took the day off because not only can the plumber not figure out why our water isn’t working (and I’m now wondering if I need to move us into a hotel), I now also have the Civil Defense Department at my front door.  What? Where did they come from?  Why are a bunch of very official looking men standing at my front door.  Oh wait, the landlord this morning saw a beehive in our yard and is having it taken care of. #bahrained  This is a good time to insert a joke: “How many men does it take to remove a beehive?”  Apparently in Bahrain, about 10.  No surprise though for anyone who lives here and constantly sees one man working and 3-8 on-lookers…I mean helpers.  We’ve finally arrived to the title…

Even bees get #bahrained.  The Civil Defense’s solution for a beehive is to blast it with water.  No joke.  The very official men all arrived on a fluorescent yellow fire truck.  They drug a fire hose into our entryway and blasted the poor hive to pieces.  I didn’t want them to do it but the order was called in by my landlord out of wanting our family (mostly the kids) to be safe.  When I saw they were honey bees I lost it.  Honeybees are like GOLD!!! I thought I was doing so well this week given the onslaught of #bahrained moments but it was the bees that broke me.  I started crying for the thousands of bees dying and drowning in my entryway while the Civil Defense crew picked dates off my tree.  Even bees get #bahrained.

#Life:  So there you have it.  It’s now 2pm on Thursday [deep breath of relief].  I’m still using a backup phone because the phone plan we use (Google’s Project Fi) only has a few specific phones that work with its plan and NONE of those phones are sold in Bahrain.  Surprise.  And YES, if you just silently said to yourself “Bahrained,” you get it. You got it.  By noon I got to bring my Island Beater back home and our water was turned on while I was getting the car (it’s a miracle).  Life is good.

Honestly, I’m not really surprised by this week.  About one week ago I heard that voice within warn me, “Are you ready?”  I knew what it was talking about.  I hear this voice and have glimpses of what-might-come-to-be in the most random times, doing dishes, opening a car door, brushing my teeth.  Life’s been really smooth lately—no major bumps, a few house issues (but what’s new), and overall we’re all in a really good Bahrain groove.  The voice was letting me know the pot was about to be stirred.

The old me, the version of me I still have memories of in college and even in my 20’s, would have cried, lost it, complained, and even though the world was out to get me. Now, I know these weeks are here to test me.  I see weeks like this as a check-in to see if I’m really walking my talk.  They are also a good reminder that life is good.  I mean really, the truth is if I’m texting my Bahrain besties #bahrained or #bahrainproblems, it means we’re making light out of an annoying situation.  No one is hurt.  No one is in serious danger.  I’m overly grateful to have the means to take care of each situation as well.  We’re turning our complaints into jokes and trying to just do the best we can given our western upbringing in a same same but different country .

During weeks like this, I can’t help but think about all the people who move to the United States and have to adjust to life there.  Do they have a term with their friends that helps them get through their adjustments?  Like ‘Merica’d, or “RWB’d“?  That culture shock and adjustment just seems unfathomable to me.  Like all things, living in Bahrain is another great test of letting go of the things I can’t change and learning how to be more adaptable, open-minded, and even accepting of the things I don’t want to accept.  I know not everyone moves as much as we do but maybe my week, my #bahrained vignette will help you to be more compassionate to people in your neighborhood, city, office, or school.  Please, next time you meet someone who has moved to the United States, might I suggest you think of Tad, Trace, Izzy, and I. They are likely going through a similar adjustment period but uniquely their own in a foreign land.  Rather than see them as different or not fitting in, maybe just realize they are a son or daughter making the most out of their given situation and likely getting there version of #bahrained.   

From my heart to yours…

Aloha & Namaste

 

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Post-election fire

When I started this blog, one of my main missions was to spread messages of Aloha across the globe. Obviously though, if I am living in a state of fear, then I can’t.  Aloha, like love, and fear are opposites. So the first 48 hours after the election my world was rocked. This past week has been surprising and unexpected, to say the least.  Sharing or being Aloha was a far off distant ideal.  Besides the personal healing this election brought up for me, I felt very uncomfortable being a US woman affiliated with the US military living in a Muslim country.  Given the messages are previously spoken by DT regarding Muslims, I wasn’t quite sure if all of a sudden it would be safe for me to walk around so carefree as I had become accustomed.  Would I be the target of people’s fear or their backlash?  Should I begin to cover my head so I’d fit in more and not stand out?  It is almost ironic my knee-jerk reaction to cover my head when all I hear back in the states is to be careful if you’re covered.  The good thing is, I haven’t experienced anything different.  I wish I could say the same for those back in the States.

Before we moved, my friends, family, and I joked about how moving to Bahrain might just be the best move ever…given the upcoming elections.  The jokes went both ways…if Hillary gets elected, better to be in Bahrain; likewise, if Trump gets elected, better to be in Bahrain.  For me, I never wanted to see the US led by DT and never wanted DT to represent me, let alone become Commander in Chief (aka Tad’s boss).  I didn’t really know who I was going to vote for.  I wasn’t a huge Hillary fan despite loving the idea of a first women President.  Then in May 2016 a library book, Vital Voices, fell off a shelf and landed at my feet.  This book about the non-profit organization, Vital Voices, co-founded by HRC, gave inspiring detail to the ripple effects she has created globally for women’s, and thus, human rights.  It fueled something within.  As the hateful insults and acts of disrespect from DT were getting more blatant, in my heart I knew…just knew there was no way he had a chance of winning the election. I mean really, it was like he was trying to throw it away.  Yes, I seriously thought that and even told Tad that several times.

But I was wrong, oh so wrong…and it hurt OH SO BAD.  In my FB post, I mentioned a “bullet through my heart” but really it felt more like a fire out of control.  And Tad, my rock, my anchor, the one who always has great perspective even when shit is hitting the fan (it’s his job, no really, that’s his job to be the calm in the storm) was in San Diego.  My world felt like it was crumbling.  Everything felt like it was on fire.

During the election as the states began to change from blue to red and orange to red, I had a very personal moment of releasing the dam of 30 plus years of my deepest darkest secret. It hurt. It was personal. In a mere hour, I felt hope dissipate into the deepest pain and disbelief in my adult life. I was just shocked that so many Americans could “overlook” (my words as to how I felt them) DT’s direct insults on so many different groups of people and still vote for him. To me, the act of voting for DT actually felt inhumane, like an attack on me, and a direct bullet to my heart.  Then again, I’ve always been a softy for humanity. Now that the emotional tsunami is subsiding I can see in so many ways this election, DT, and all that is following is exactly as it’s supposed to be AND I’m fired up.  It is Divine Timing.

Kam Chancellor, yes, #31 Seattle Seahawks (GO HAWKS!) superstar strong safety, wrote a very powerful message on his IG feed. And while I do not know my Bible versus the message he shares is still the same regardless of your chosen “religion.”

“My president is Trump because I understand that God places kings on thrones (Daniel 2:21), and I must respect who he places in authority (Romans 13:1-7). It’s a reason he placed Donald Trump in this role. To test our FAITH.”

Gulp. Eyes lower as I finally exhale in surrender to the heart and this reality which I was so sad to be a part of…

Fuck, he’s right.

Now before I hear you say, “You’ve fallen into the masses.  Haunani, how could you?” Hear me out.  “Trust the process” or “have faith” DOES NOT mean become complacent.  To me, trust the process and have faith means to accept the outcome as is (what done is done for today) but to use this as a wake-up call, to realize I was becoming complacent in my cozy little bubble and that it’s time to get to work.  I trust and have faith as I stand tall in who I am, what I believe in, and never give up on all of humanity that God/Universe/whatever name you use is behind me 100%.

Maybe, just maybe enough of us have been praying about this “change,” and talking about a “needed change,” that God is delivering all our prayers.  Tuesday was the tipping point, perhaps a gift in disguise.   For many, it’s not how we would like it to look.  It’s messy.  It’s painful.  It’s creating divisions where there once felt like unity.  Friendships are collapsing.  Families are fragmenting.  It’s popped the bubble of my reality and many others. It’s nothing like the 24 minutes of anticipation when ooooie gooooey brownie batter gets transformed and changes into perfect morsels of delight.  But it is a good analogy because to get from the ooooooie goooooey to morsels of delight requires FIRE.  Fire and heat are catalysts. This literal and figurative fire we are feelings, watching, experiencing is the change we were all voting for (no matter who your vote went to)…it just looks a lot different and feels a lot different than we ever anticipated, imagined, and dreamt about when we were praying about it.

Change always requires another force to act upon the current system in order for the molecules, trajectory, and outcomes to change. Literally, this is science. But when it happens to us personally, especially when we weren’t “ready” for this change even though many of us who are most upset have been asking for this change of consciousness for some time, we feel shaken to the core.  And it’s okay to feel shaken, just don’t let those shakes paralyze you.  It’s okay to feel depressed or dark, but trust that the light within you that makes you amazing is still there–it’s just needing a little time out to reflect and become brighter.  I am not tied to one religion but am a very spiritual person and have found much peace and much reassurance through these past few days by sitting in meditation, allowing the waves of my emotions to pass, and then just sitting in the void on the other side of those deeply painful waves.   The message I keep hearing is, “Do you Trust Me?” My heart always explodes into a million rays of light and I begin to feel a strong warm passionate response, “Yesssss. Yesssss. Yes.” But this is my journey. It may not be yours. However, I invite you to find more moments away from FB, social media and the TV to connect with something higher than yourself, go out in nature, move more inward than looking for answers on a screen, listen more deeply to the voice behind the emotions, and possibly see how things begin to shift (if ever so slightly).

Trusting the process is easier said than done but it is the mantra that I have put my faith into and continue to repeat since election day.  It reminds me of my faith and alignment to something higher than myself.   Trust the process for myself and my own healing. Trust the process for my family.  Trust the process for my friends, country, World, and our own perceived divisions. We have all called upon this time to come and now that it is here we need to take responsibility for what we brought in, prayed for, wished, discussed with friends, and daydreamed.  Some may even give thanks to this seemingly dark time.  It’s a choice.

It is incredibly powerful to find one thing about the last few days to be grateful for and watch how the whole perspective begins to shift.  This is especially useful if you feel stuck.  Maybe you’re grateful to see people for who they really are (as hard as it is to see and admit).  Maybe you’re grateful to have a group of friends, or a new group of friends around the globe, to turn to.  Maybe you’re grateful or thankful that four, even eight, years are a blink of an eye in the history of our existence.  No matter how personal or grand, gratitude is a very powerful force that can begin to shift the dark to light.  For me…if it was not for this election I would still be pushing down those 30 plus years of silence, shame, guilt, and embarrassment that has built up from being sexually assaulted many times throughout my life. So while election day hurt like hell, I crumbled, relived every moment, remembered every boy or man, sobbed uncontrollably only to pick myself up and feel a tad bit more clear yet weaker than a dead mouse smashed by a car, I proudly and very humbly say thank you election.  Thank you for allowing my dam of anger, silence, shame, guilt, and embarrassment break wide open and pour out of me. Thank you for finally giving that part of me a voice and forever being freed from the fear of anyone (except the one or two people who I had confided in) finding out.  Now that my biggest skeleton in the closet is out, I feel so free.  It feels amazing.  I am not broken.  I am not a different person.  I am just a shinier less convoluted version of myself…AND IT FEELS GREAT.  So not only thank you election for this amazing healing opportunity, I really owe my thanks to DT, the man I hated and felt utter detest towards for the last year or so. Without your ego and hate, I would not be a better person. So truly, thank you.  AND watch out World because I’m FIRED UP!

Now that I have spent a lot of reflection time on the yoga mat and away from the screens…I am hopeful. I am trusting the process. I am definitely NOT becoming complacent but I am trusting the process. I am walking my talk more than ever but with a new fire and passion for really holding myself and others accountable for treating each other with respect, integrity, and love.  I am lucky to have a strong Marine to stand next to me, who makes me more proud of our service to this country and the sacrifices we are constantly making, and to hold my hand with the unknown of a new Commander in Chief who blatantly insults the military.  But I am hopeful and I am trusting the process.  And this is what is allowing me to spread the Aloha once again.

Aloha & Namaste

Please know:  I have spent the last thirteen years of my life digging into the depths of my own fears, suffering, uncertainty, and pain.  I have lost friends, found new friends, grew stronger in my truest of friends, strayed from family and then reunited in tighter bonds, traveled the world working with different teachers looking for the magic pill, cared about humanity so deeply it made me physically sick, gave up on humanity because it felt like too much…and here I am strong, proud, pissed off right now but hopeful, and more aligned with my purpose than ever.  I move in and out of these huge emotional swings and world-changing perspectives much quicker than ever before only because I have done it a lot.  If you are reading this and it is the first time you’ve been confronted with this level of disappointment, you are not alone.  You are not broken.  I’ve been there too, a lot.  Please find someone you trust, stay connected, and do not get attached to the emotion.  It too will pass.  This is a major shift in consciousness.  Trust the light within you–it will be there after this feeling of darkness.  You are being asked to clean the closet, to move away from anything that dulls your light and to shine brighter than ever.  Stand tall in what you believe in.  We are in this together.

My wish for the World

Many of you know I meditate, practice yoga, and think about the World and situations slightly different than the average gal.  Right when we moved to Bahrain, in fact, the same week we moved here, there was a slew of suicide bombings and mass shootings.  Reading the news was depressing, sad, frustrating, and for me, motivating.  Motivating because it made me really sit and meditate more, dig deep into my own fears, pray, send out more love, contemplate life, and question why we are all here together at this time.

Eventually, the big move, suicide bombings, missing my family, friends, and dogs, and trying to find a new home got to me and I lost it.  I just downright lost it.  Balling.  Crying.  And so sad for the World we live in.  Why?  How?  WTF? Can’t we all just get along?  I know it sounds so cliche but I know I was sobbing those words out loud.  Through years of a committed yoga sadhana practice, I now know when I start to feel like the external (environment, situation, reactions) is affecting my internal peace, it’s time for a little reflection exercise*.  With puffy eyes and little sob to my breath, I got paper and pen and wrote at the top “What I wish for the World.”  Then, I wrote.

I want people to wake up. To take responsibility for their life and footprint on this planet in this infinitesimal amount of time we are here. To realize they do make a difference and every action, word, though creates a ripple. To take responsibility for their physical health. Mental health. Emotional health. Spiritual health. To not fear but live. To stand tall in their physical body and be able to say in the mirror, “I love you.” To not get attached to the thoughts and monkey mind. To see others and other situations as a reflection of themselves. To not be beat down by challenge but to rise up and see it as an opportunity to learn, grow, and become wiser. To be okay with not knowing. To be okay with stillness. To love more than hate. To be aware. To stand up for your beliefs while being flexible enough to learn new things and change your beliefs. To create more smiles than frowns. To leave a place in a better mood than when you arrived. To not take anything for granted. To thank God for everything in your life. To let go of what people told you to think and believe and to think and believe for yourself. To share your passions with the World. To apologize when needed but to not give up your personal power. That’s it. My wish for the World.

I was so mad and angry when I first started writing but by the end, I felt like I had gotten something out.  My breath had calmed down and I felt more at peace.

Recently, while I was unpacking and settling into our new villa, I found this piece of paper.  I read it again.  I was both embarrassed and totally inspired.  Embarrassed because it reads as if I have this all figured out myself, which I don’t.  Inspired because it sounds like a calling from within, a call to action to step up my own game as a member of this human tribe and to really live this way too.  By theory, I totally 100% believe in everything I wrote.  In action, life is not always 100% of what I believe.  So, when I read this, I feel inspired to make my actions align with my beliefs.

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So why share this?  Because if you look at the external–the news, world politics, race relations–it’s easy to point the finger, to get upset, and feel helpless.  But remember, when you point the finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you.  It’s also the 15th anniversary memorial of 9/11.  For many people, this day represents a turning point in perspective.  The ripple effects of September 11, 2001 are still felt worldwide.  Indeed, it’s a day of reflection.   There are many ways to reflect.  I’m not biased to one way or another.  I do believe it’s beneficial for people to do self-reflection often though.  So if you’ve never done this type of self-reflection exercise, I encourage you to do it.  It is powerful.  Get a piece of paper, write “What I wish for the World” and just start writing without judgment or holding back.  Put it aside for a few hours or weeks.  Then read it and see how what you wrote reflects your own current life.  Are the theories and daily actions aligned?  In this reflection, hopefully, you will glean insight into how your external environment and internal beliefs are aligned or not.  Some of you may even be inspired to be your own change you wish to see in the World.

Life is messy and confusing sometimes.  It can seem like life can be happening to us and we have no control.  However, it’s an even playing field when it comes to how we respond to life.  We all have the same chance to live in accordance with how and what you truly believe.  What’s your wish for the World?

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Quote by Courtney A. Walsh

*In yoga, the personal practices toward uncovering one’s true nature, self inquiry (svadhyaya) is a very powerful tool for releasing anything that disturbs the mind, especially feelings of fear, frustration, worry, jealousy, hate, and attachment to name a few.  The practice of self inquiry and self reflection have been very powerful tools in my own life and have played a major role in my own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual healing.