When I started this blog, one of my main missions was to spread messages of Aloha across the globe. Obviously though, if I am living in a state of fear, than I can’t. Aloha, like love, and fear are opposites. So the first 48 hours after the election my world was rocked. This past week has been surprising and unexpected to say the least. Sharing or being Aloha was a far off distant ideal. Besides the personal healing this election brought up for me, I felt very uncomfortable being a US woman affiliated with the US military living in a Muslim country. Given the messages previously spoken by DT regarding Muslims, I wasn’t quite sure if all of a sudden it would be safe for me to walk around so carefree as I had become accustom. Would I be the target of people’s fear or their backlash? Should I begin to cover my head so I’d fit in more and not stand out? It is almost ironic my knee-jerk reaction to cover my head when all I hear back in the states is to be careful if you’re covered. Good thing is, I haven’t experienced anything different. I wish I could say the same for those back in the States.
Before we moved, my friends, family, and I joked about how moving to Bahrain might just be the best move ever…given the upcoming elections. The jokes went both ways…if Hillary gets elected, better to be in Bahrain; likewise, if Trump gets elected, better to be in Bahrain. For me, I never wanted to see the US led by DT and never wanted DT to represent me, let alone become Commander in Chief (aka Tad’s boss). I didn’t really know who I was going to vote for. I wasn’t a huge Hillary fan despite loving the idea of a first women President. Then in May 2016 a library book, Vital Voices, fell off a shelf and landed at my feet. This book about the non-profit organization, Vital Voices, co-founded by HRC, gave inspiring detail to the ripple affects she has created globally for women’s, and thus, human rights. It fueled something within. As the hateful insults and acts of disrespect from DT were getting more blatant, in my heart I knew…just knew there was no way he had a chance of winning the election. I mean really, it was like he was trying to throw it away. Yes, I seriously thought that and even told Tad that several times.
But I was wrong, oh so wrong…and it hurt OH SO BAD. In my FB post, I mentioned a “bullet through my heart” but really it felt more like a fire out of control. And Tad, my rock, my anchor, the one who always has great perspective even when shit is hitting the fan (it’s his job, no really, that’s his job to be the calm in the storm) was in San Diego. My world felt like it was crumbling. Everything felt like it was on fire.
During the election as the states began to change from blue to red and orange to red, I had a very personal moment of releasing the dam of 30 plus years of my deepest darkest secret. It hurt. It was personal. In a mere hour, I felt hope dissipate into the deepest pain and disbelief in my adult life. I was just shocked that so many Americans could “overlook” (my words as how I felt them) DT’s direct insults on so many different groups of people and still vote for him. To me, the act of voting for DT actually felt inhumane, like an attack on me, and a direct bullet to my heart. Then again, I’ve always been a softy for humanity. Now that the emotional tsunami is subsiding I can see in so many ways this election, DT, and all that is following is exactly as it’s suppose to be AND I’m fired up. It is Divine Timing.
Kam Chancellor, yes, #31 Seattle Seahawks (GO HAWKS!) superstar strong safety, wrote a very powerful message on his IG feed. And while I do not know my Bible versus the message he shares is still the same regardless of your chosen “religion.”
“My president is Trump because I understand that God places kings on thrones (Daniel 2:21), and I must respect who he places in authority (Romans 13:1-7). It’s a reason he placed Donald Trump in this role. To test our FAITH.”
Gulp. Eyes lower as I finally exhale in surrender to the heart and this reality which I was so sad to be a part of…
Fuck, he’s right.
Now before I hear you say, “You’ve fallen into the masses. Haunani, how could you?” Hear me out. “Trust the process” or “have faith” DOES NOT mean become complacent. To me, trust the process and have faith means to accept the outcome as is (what done is done for today) but to use this as a wake-up call, to realize I was becoming complacent in my cozy little bubble and that it’s time to get to work. I trust and have faith as I stand tall in who I am, what I believe in, and never give up on all of humanity that God/Universe/whatever name you use is behind me 100%.
Maybe, just maybe enough of us have been praying about this “change,” and talking about a “needed change,” that God is delivering all our prayers. Tuesday was the tipping point, perhaps a gift in disguise. For many, it’s not how we would like it to look. It’s messy. It’s painful. It’s creating divisions where there once felt like unity. Friendships are collapsing. Families are fragmenting. It’s popped the bubble of my reality and many others. It’s nothing like the 24 minutes of anticipation when ooooie gooooey brownie batter gets transformed and changes into perfect morsels of delight. But it is a good analogy because to get from the ooooooie goooooey to morsels of delight requires FIRE. Fire and heat are catalysts. This literal and figurative fire we are feelings, watching, experiencing is the change we were all voting for (no matter who your vote went to)…it just looks a lot different and feels a lot different than we ever anticipated, imagined, and dreamt about when we were praying about it.
Change always requires another force to act upon the current system in order for the molecules, trajectory, and outcomes to change. Literally, this is science. But when it happens to us personally, especially when we weren’t “ready” for this change even though many of us who are most upset have been asking for this change of consciousness for some time, we feel shaken to the core. And it’s okay to feel shaken, just don’t let those shakes paralyze you. It’s okay to feel depressed or dark, but trust that the light within you that makes you amazing is still there–it’s just needing a little time out to reflect and become brighter. I am not tied to one religion but am a very spiritual person and have found much peace and much reassurance through these past few days by sitting in meditation, allowing the waves of my emotions to pass, and then just sitting in the void on the other side of those deeply painful waves. The message I keep hearing is, “Do you Trust Me?” My heart always explodes into a million rays of light and I begin to feel a strong warm passionate response, “Yesssss. Yesssss. Yes.” But this is my journey. It may not be yours. However, I invite you to find more moments away from FB, social media and the TV to connect with something higher than yourself, go out in nature, move more inward than looking for answers on a screen, listen more deeply to the voice behind the emotions, and possibly see how things begin to shift (if ever so slightly).
Trusting the process is easier said than done but it is the mantra that I have put my faith into and continue to repeat since election day. It reminds me of my faith and alignment to something higher than myself. Trust the process for myself and my own healing. Trust the process for my family. Trust the process for my friends, country, World, and our own perceived divisions. We have all called upon this time to come and now that it is here we need to take responsibility for what we brought in, prayed for, wished, discussed with friends, and day dreamed. Some may even give thanks to this seemingly dark time. It’s a choice.
It is incredibly powerful to find one thing about the last few days to be grateful for and watch how the whole perspective begins to shift. This is especially useful if you feel stuck. Maybe you’re grateful to see people for who they really are (as hard as it is to see and admit). Maybe you’re grateful to have a group of friends, or new group of friends around the globe, to turn to. Maybe you’re grateful or thankful that four, even eight, years are a blink of an eye in the history of our existence. No matter how personal or grand, gratitude is a very powerful force that can begin to shift the dark to light. For me…if it were not for this election I would still be pushing down those 30 plus years of silence, shame, guilt, and embarrassment that has built up from being sexually assaulted many times throughout my life. So while election day hurt like hell, I crumbled, relived every moment, remembered every boy or man, sobbed uncontrollably only to pick myself up and feel a tad bit more clear yet weaker than a dead mouse smashed by a car, I proudly and very humbly say thank you election. Thank you for allowing my dam of anger, silence, shame, guilt, and embarrassment break wide open and pour out of me. Thank you for finally giving that part of me a voice and forever being freed from the fear of anyone (except the one or two people who I had confided in) finding out. Now that my biggest skeleton in the closet is out, I feel so free. It feels amazing. I am not broken. I am not a different person. I am just a shinier less convoluted version of myself…AND IT FEELS GREAT. So not only thank you election for this amazing healing opportunity, I really owe my thanks to DT, the man I hated and felt utter detest towards for the last year or so. Without your ego and hate, I would not be a better person. So truly, thank you. AND watch out World because I’m FIRED UP!
Now that I have spent a lot of reflection time on the yoga mat and away from the screens…I am hopeful. I am trusting the process. I am definitely NOT becoming complacent but I am trusting the process. I am walking my talk more than ever but with a new fire and passion for really holding myself and others accountable for treating each other with respect, integrity, and love. I am lucky to have a strong Marine to stand next to me, who makes me more proud of our service to this country and the sacrifices we are constantly making, and to hold my hand with the unknown of a new Commander in Chief who blatantly insults the military. But I am hopeful and I am trusting the process. And this is what is allowing me to spread the Aloha once again.
Aloha & Namaste
Please know: I have spent the last thirteen years of my life digging into the depths of my own fears, suffering, uncertainty, and pain. I have lost friends, found new friends, grew stronger in my truest of friends, strayed from family and then reunited in tighter bonds, traveled the world working with different teachers looking for the magic pill, cared about humanity so deeply it made me physically sick, gave up on humanity because it felt like too much…and here I am strong, proud, pissed off right now but hopeful, and more aligned with my purpose than ever. I move in and out of these huge emotional swings and world changing perspectives much quicker than ever before only because I have done it a lot. If you are reading this and it is the first time you’ve been confronted with this level of disappointment, you are not alone. You are not broken. I’ve been there too, a lot. Please find someone you trust, stay connected, and do not get attached to the emotion. It too will pass. This is a major shift in consciousness. Trust the light within you–it will be there after this feeling of darkness. You are being asked to clean the closet, to move away anything that dulls your light and to shine brighter than ever. Stand tall in what you believe in. We are in this together.