How to make 2018 the most badass yet

As a cup-is-always-half-full, silver-lining, eternal-optimist type of gal, the phrase NEW YEAR, NEW YOU makes me cringe.  

As much as I love the idea of a New Year, New You, from an Eastern Medicine perspective, it’s misleading and impossible.   It implies you haven’t been YOU all this time in 2015, 2016, 2017…and poof, all of a sudden 2018, here I am, new and improved.  You don’t just wake up one morning a new person. While that might have worked for Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, that is not reality and we all know that.  Yes, you may wake one morning with a new attitude; but a new attitude is not a new you.  A new attitude is the same YOU with a new attitude.  

But let’s stay optimistic here and focus on the motivating intention of making 2018 you the person you know you want to be, dream of being, the “real you” inside, without all the BS.  How you doing with that?  I hope you’re doing awesome, staying motivated, and committed more than ever to make 2018 your year.  However, if your New Year’s resolution is slowly falling to the “well maybe next year” priority list, keep reading.  You’re not alone for many reasons.  Below, I’ll share my 5 reasons why I don’t like this impossible phrase, but I’ll also share 5 ways to mentally prepare yourself if you truly are ready to make 2018 the biggest, the brightest, the most badass year yet.

So here are the reasons the NEW YEAR NEW YOU is misleading and makes me want to shake my computer every time I read it:

  1. A NEW YOU DOESN’T EXIST.  It’s an illusion.  You have always been you.  In yoga lingo, we call this your “True Nature.” Most of us are just out of touch or disconnected with our “True Nature.”  And to reconnect with that True Nature–what I believe the saying “New You” is trying to get at–doesn’t just happen when the clock hits midnight, or when you lose weight, or when you can do a handstand, or make your clothes look like you jumped straight out of Pinterest.  
  2. STARTING A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION IN JANUARY IS OUT OF ALIGNMENT WITH THE RHYTHMS OF NATURE.  And yes, no matter which way you look at it, you are part of nature.  January in the Northern Hemisphere is the dead of winter.  In the Southern Hemisphere, it’s the middle of summer.  Neither of those times are conducive to truly making and sticking to a plan.  Winter is all about self-care, slowing down, and reflection.  Summer is about playing, partying, firing up your life, and shining brightly.  Hard to follow-through with new plans when everything about you is wanting to hibernate (north) or play and have fun (south). Truly, the best time to set a resolution or new year plan would be in SPRINGTIME!   If you want to stay in touch for my Integrated Yoga and Eastern Medicine Springtime workshop (online and in-person), make sure to sign-up for my Instagram feed and newsletter.
  3. NEW YEAR, NEW YOU MARKETING ASKS YOU TO THINK OF YOURSELF AS LESS THAN WHOLE.  In some way, you are broken and you need to be fixed.  This type of messaging is fear-based.  Sadly, it works.  For the majority of people, it’s easier to believe “there’s something wrong with me” or “I’m not good enough” so therefore, I need to buy this product or that program to make myself new.  Again, your inner-YOU is not broken, it’s totally enough, and doesn’t need fixing.  Your inner-YOU may be covered by years of bad habits, trauma, unfavorable experiences, and lack of self-care but all that, all those layers are not YOU.  The real you, under all that, is still there and is waiting for you to uncover, rediscover, and love it like you do your phone and gadgets.  
  4. MOST PEOPLE WANT A QUICK FIX.  Most people don’t want to take responsibility for their own life. [sigh] Most people want a quick fix, someone to tell them what to do, how to do it, and what it should feel like.  Truth is, only YOU know if it’s working for YOU!  Life is not like a yoga class.  You don’t just show up, listen to a teacher, totally trust them 100%, feel good, and say “I’m fixed.”  If it were that easy, every yoga teacher would be out of work.  Life is not a quick fix.  It’s a journey.
  5. PEOPLE DON’T MAKE SELF-CARE A PRIORITY.  Most people don’t want to do the work it takes to uncover their True Nature.  Uncovering the layers of bullshit, drama, habits, guilts, fear, beliefs is exhausting…but also exhilarating.  You do the work because the work is the most important thing you can do for yourself, your family, your community, and the global family.  Living in your True Nature is the most important work you can do in this life.  

So maybe you’re like, but yeah, yeah, that isssss me.  Everything above.  Yes, that’s where I am.  I’m ready for all that.  I want to do the work.  I’m tired of hiding.  I know there is a me inside just waiting to be uncovered from all the dust that has slowly built up.  If this is you, AWESOME! Amazing!  Get it. 2018 is your year!  Don’t let any amount of my realism get in your way.  Here is a reality check for truly taking on this New Year, New You mindset, so when February 1 rolls around, you’re still motivated and when January 1 rolls around next year you can look back and think, “wowwwww, that was quite a year.  I DO feel like a new me, a version of me that’s more ME than ever before.

  1. STAY COMMITTED.  MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY.  Ask yourself daily, “Do I really want to uncover the real ME that has always been inside?” Meaning, do you really want to do the work: physical, mental, emotional, digging up the past, learning new habits while ditching old ones, making new relationships, letting go of patterns and people who no longer align with who you are?  You know, really doing the work to uncover the layers of what you believe, why you believe it, and ready to think, act, create, and grow based on who YOU are, not what someone told you to be?
  2. DON’T GET ATTACHED TO THE UPS AND DOWNS.  It’s not all golden rays of sunshine and happy Care Bear clouds.  The process, the journey (not the destination), the work (possibly the most important work you’ll ever be a part of), is a rollercoaster.  This rollercoaster is what most people jump off of at some point thinking, wtf, this is not what I thought it would be like.  But really, what did you think it was going to be like?  Be ready for life to feel like it got turned upside down, shaken, kicked, and rattled…but believe me–IT IS WORTH IT.  YOU ARE WORTH IT!  Also be ready for some really high times too.  Like some of the most elated, unforgettable feelings of freedom, bliss, love, relaxation to name a few. Don’t get attached to these either.  Life is always up and down, like rollercoasters or waves.  What goes up, must come down, and luckily it will go up again–as long as we don’t get attached to these ups and downs.
  3. FIND SUPPORT.  Ask for help and seek support from friends and professionals in areas you find challenging.  For years I tried to do this “life journey business” on my own.  I barely talked to anyone about it.  I used my mat, my journal, and my escapism (literally to the middle of the Pacific) to try and figure it all out myself.  It was about 5-6 years into this path that I really truly realized, I didn’t have to do this on my own, there were a LOT of other people who shared similar experiences and it was actually not as scary, frientening, and tough when I reached out and allowed my life to be surrounded by people, friends, and health care providers who I TRUSTED with my stories, experiences, and body.  With this said…
  4. BE WILLING TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIORS.  Don’t be afraid to think outside the box.  Be open to trying new modalities.  Ask friends and other mentors if they have personal recommendations for supportive health care providers.  Thinking outside the box might mean changing your Primary Care provider, or consider seeing a Chiropractor, Acupuncturist, Physical Therapist, Private yoga classes, Reiki healer, Sound therapy, Homeopathy.  With this said…
  5. YOU’RE WORTH IT! Your health, your physical, mental, emotional, health and wellness, are priceless.  Just because your insurance doesn’t cover it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get the types of treatment or support you need.  You may have to pay out of pocket to get what works for you.  Sometimes this requires creative money planning and a re-evaluation of financial priorities.  You might find excuses not to pay out of pocket because you don’t believe you are “worth it.”  Believe me, YOU ARE!  Without you, no amount of money or success in your life matters.  Your physical and mental presence is the most priceless asset you have.

New You really means a new attitude and commitment to finding time every day to peel back the layers of all the bullshit, drama, and habits that limit your ability see, think, feel clear, and to heal the parts that feel broken or out of alignment.  It requires taking “me” time every day (some days more than others) to do the work. So, I don’t mean to burst your New Year Resolution bubble if you’ve been flying high on the global energy created by the changing of a year, but I do hope you find more truth and lasting motivation for your New Year mindset.  

From my heart to yours…Aloha & Namaste

 

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Living in the illusion

Note:  I allowed the following to flow through me this morning.  I use to write this stuff on paper and in my journals in the past.   They are buried away in boxes (so is the life of a military spouse).  Today it came out on the computer.  It is incredibly scary and vulnerable to share what comes through me at times like this.  This is a cathartic blog.   Having caught up on my morning World news, I  was balling.  From violent shootings in the US, villages being raped and torn to pieces in the name of dogma, starvation and lack of fresh water in the Middle East, and millions of people being displaced around the globe due to catastrophic weather patterns…it felt, and feels, too much.  It makes me so angry, so sad and then when I just let it out, cry until I can barely breathe, I begin to hear a calming voice that keeps me focused on something higher than myself.  Honestly, to me, it feels like my version of “God” trying to talk me off the roof, bring more love into my life, and to make sense of all the suffering.  

To share the following is terrifying.  However, in the last year, something shifted in me.   I use to be more reserved and afraid of what others thought of me.  Now, if something terrifies me, I say “fuck this shit” (meaning the fear) and I do it.  This FTS attitude has been incredibly healing for me and for many others who have written to me encouraging me to keep up the online presence, or writing, or authentic shares.  So yes, I’m sharing the following below, unedited.  I’m not even sure if it makes sense. Maybe there will be something in it.  Maybe not.  But at least I feel better now that it’s out than keeping it in stuffed in some corner of my crying heart.  

I use to tell my mom as a child, “If I can positively impact the life of one person before I die, then I will have lived a fulfilled life.”  She reminds me that I have already done this.  I now realize I’m upping my own game.  From here on out it is my heart’s and life’s mission to positively impact the life (i.e. reduce suffering) of as many people on this planet as possible, including myself. My own experiences and past will not control me.  I will use them as tools for my own growth so I may shower as many people on this planet with love and aloha as possible. 

With this said, I’m giving you a huge hug right now. No, even bigger than you imagined.  I love you!
H.

—–

There is a saying in Chinese medicine, “When treating a person, above all you must treat the Spirit first.”  It sounds woo-woo, sounds out there but it is Truth.

The biggest cause of fear in our World is our disconnection being talked about as our “differences.”  The biggest cause of illness and dis-ease is STRESS from this disconnection.  No, that is not empirically researched, that is straight up living, learning, and dedicated observation in trying to understand life.  This country, our world, our communities and our families are divided not by a real division but an ILLUSION of a division that stems from a lack of connection with their True Nature, their Spirit, and a belief that different means bad or wrong..  The only Truth’s I know are: everything is always changing, death will happen, and we are already whole.  However, most people choose to live out and live in the illusion of their lack of wholeness.

The Founders of the US Constitution, pure geniuses IMO, were correct when they said, “we were all created equal.”  Truth.  However, the interpretation that we all have equality from that moment forward is an interpretation.  It is false and another illusion to believe that each person born into this world is equal.  The only equality that exists is the unity of a whole being that is uniquely different from all the other 7 billion other people on this planet.  What is true is that each person on this planet is uniquely there own and whole just as they are.  Nothing else is equal.  Rather than push a false narrative that we are created, born, and live equally is just false.  What makes this human existence truly our own, divine, and unique is that from the point forward after creation (when the sperm meets the egg) a whole host of factors beyond our control and within our control begin acting on us and it is how we respond consciously, physically, and unconsciously that make each of us uniquely our own person.   Created equal and get to live equal are NOT and will never be the same human experience.   We are different and we need our differences in order to be uniquely our own self.  But there exists an illusion that differences equal bad and since we do not want to support the “bad” we disconnect.  The illusion exists that because you are different, we cannot connect, or share similar experiences, bond, or have discussions regarding our differences.  The illusion is just that, a false veil.  Differences are good.  Differences are what makes sushi, sushi, and lasagne, lasagne.  What gets us in trouble, what divides us, what makes us want to be right over the idea of being free is when we begin to live disconnected or separate ourselves from things that are different than us or our beliefs. Difference’s exist.  Disconnection exist.  But differences does not have to mean disconnection.  Disconnection will always lead to suffering…as every traditional healing method that has survived the test of time all say…disconnection from our Spirit brings about death.

What I see, what I feel, what I witness, what I have learned every time I fear and work with people in a studio or clinic setting is that people are living in their illusion of separateness and disconnection rather than allowing themselves to live in connection with self, others, nature, and hence the world around them.  And I don’t care how religious you are, how many times you pray or meditate or do a sun salutation, religion is not a deep connection with your higher self and your version of God, Universe, Love, Oneness.  It might mean a connection but if it is then you’re not offended by the above statement because you know you’re connection is Divine and doesn’t need labels.  Connection is about something deeper than a weekend pot-luck and group or affiliation or how far back you can bend.  Connection takes you deeper to a place that is about walking your talk and living your message.

Perhaps if we all asked ourselves these questions every day we would know if we were living connected or in the illusion that disconnection.

Do you care about how you treat yourself, and what you say to yourself in the silent moments when the lights are out and you’re about to go to bed, when someone is attacking you physically, emotionally, or mentally?

Do you care about how you treat others when they are right in front of you but more importantly when they are not in front of you?

Do you care about how you treat Nature, the very Earth that gives you all your sustenance (food, water, sources for shelter, cars, and technology).

Are you walking your talk?

Do you care more about being right or free?

Have you sat with your own fears and really analyzed them?  Have you sat with your past? Your trauma? Your experiences?  Those skeletons in your closet and really allowed yourself to heal and get help?  Or did you disconnect with that part of yourself and push it aside.  Whether you were raped or are the rapist, the child being hit or the one hitting both are whole people just responding and protecting their illusion to fit what they thought was their reality, what was real, what right, what was needed to stay “safe” or in “control.”  But surprise, you are whole (always have an always will be) and it, all that stuff, your past, your experiences, are still with you, just stuffed away in some corner of your consciousness, heart, and tissues persistently trying to have a life of its own until one day you have a break down and it can finally release itself.  It doesn’t mean you’re broken.   It doesn’t mean you’re bad.  We are just Spirits having a human experience and the rules are not so black and white.

We are trained from a very young age to protect ourselves, and figure out what is “right” and what is “wrong.”  As we get older though, we have the ability to think for ourselves and to wake up to the illusion.  Wake up to the fact that you’re living in an illusion that you choose to live in or live out.  If you’re living to be “right” than you are not free and you’ve pushed your Soul aside in favor of your mind’s ego, little brain, cultural norms, or safety, literally the caveman/cavewoman aspect of yourself.  And that’s fine if you want to live that way.  Honestly, the majority of our planet has to live that way because of safety and needs based living (think Maslow’s hierarchy here).  But if you’re reading this, if you are part of the population that gets to live life outside of your minimum and basic needs of food, shelter, water, and physical/mental safety then it’s time to wake up.  You ask yourself why the World looks the way it does?  It’s because the people who have the ability to wake up AREN’T.  They are choosing to be RIGHT over FREE.  They are choosing to hold on to an illusion that our differences are somehow bad, wrong, ugly, or unsafe and disconnection is the solution.   It’s time to DISCONNECT with the illusion and CONNECT with your Spirit, your true nature under all the veils you, your family, your culture has placed on you.  It’s time to wake up.  Enough is enough.  Wake up.  Wake up.  Take responsibility for YOUR life, for your choices, for your words, your actions, your thoughts and reconnect with what matters most…your connection to your Spirit, that silent voice within that is trying to be FREE. Stop stuffing that voice away and needing to be RIGHT.

When was the last time you really looked into someone’s eyes?  Not an IG feed eyes or a FB feed eyes but the eyes of your neighbor?  The stranger walking past you?  The person making you your favorite $5 coffee drink?  And people get all up in arms about people who cover their hair, or wear veils, or wear booty shorts but does anyone look in the eyes anymore?  This is what I’m talking about.  I’m guilty of it too but when I catch these things in myself I really want to make a difference and take the steps to make a change within myself.  This doesn’t make me better or worst, maybe a little self-centered, but I’ll take it.  My form of self-centered allows me to feel good about who I am and give my love openly despite your color, race, cultural background, or disease.

Reconnect to your Spirit and you will find at first that it feels like your life is falling apart.  It is, because if you want to live connected with Spirit with your True Self then you can’t continue to live the same way you have been in fear, illusion, and disconnection.  But not all things that fall apart are broken.  Things falling apart is the illusion of your separateness and disconnection breaking apart allowing your life to reflect something more connected. Will it feel like you’ve lost control? YES, 100% but that’s the point.  When you try and control your life, that being “right” is better than being free, you have to build up a lot, A LOT, A LOT of barriers and walls to maintain that disconnect and way of life.  However, the more you continue to allow yourself to be connected with your Spirit you will begin to see your life take shape in ways that feel easier and more alive, and things you once would have dismissed as weird or from the twilight zone are now signs and serendipitous messages.   The differences won’t seem so scary anymore and the fear-based living will slowly subside.

So yes, treat the Spirit first, not last.  Treating the Spirit is treating the body and the mind.  It’s all connected.  Disconnect with the illusion that different is bad or wrong.  Reconnect with your breath.  Reconnect. with Nature.  Nature has always healed, always will heal, and will always continue to heal for those who want to reduce suffering.  So go outside.  Take a breath of fresh air.  Put your feet in the dirt.  Get dirty. Worry less and embrace all of it as if it were your own child.

 

Post-election fire

When I started this blog, one of my main missions was to spread messages of Aloha across the globe. Obviously though, if I am living in a state of fear, then I can’t.  Aloha, like love, and fear are opposites. So the first 48 hours after the election my world was rocked. This past week has been surprising and unexpected, to say the least.  Sharing or being Aloha was a far off distant ideal.  Besides the personal healing this election brought up for me, I felt very uncomfortable being a US woman affiliated with the US military living in a Muslim country.  Given the messages are previously spoken by DT regarding Muslims, I wasn’t quite sure if all of a sudden it would be safe for me to walk around so carefree as I had become accustomed.  Would I be the target of people’s fear or their backlash?  Should I begin to cover my head so I’d fit in more and not stand out?  It is almost ironic my knee-jerk reaction to cover my head when all I hear back in the states is to be careful if you’re covered.  The good thing is, I haven’t experienced anything different.  I wish I could say the same for those back in the States.

Before we moved, my friends, family, and I joked about how moving to Bahrain might just be the best move ever…given the upcoming elections.  The jokes went both ways…if Hillary gets elected, better to be in Bahrain; likewise, if Trump gets elected, better to be in Bahrain.  For me, I never wanted to see the US led by DT and never wanted DT to represent me, let alone become Commander in Chief (aka Tad’s boss).  I didn’t really know who I was going to vote for.  I wasn’t a huge Hillary fan despite loving the idea of a first women President.  Then in May 2016 a library book, Vital Voices, fell off a shelf and landed at my feet.  This book about the non-profit organization, Vital Voices, co-founded by HRC, gave inspiring detail to the ripple effects she has created globally for women’s, and thus, human rights.  It fueled something within.  As the hateful insults and acts of disrespect from DT were getting more blatant, in my heart I knew…just knew there was no way he had a chance of winning the election. I mean really, it was like he was trying to throw it away.  Yes, I seriously thought that and even told Tad that several times.

But I was wrong, oh so wrong…and it hurt OH SO BAD.  In my FB post, I mentioned a “bullet through my heart” but really it felt more like a fire out of control.  And Tad, my rock, my anchor, the one who always has great perspective even when shit is hitting the fan (it’s his job, no really, that’s his job to be the calm in the storm) was in San Diego.  My world felt like it was crumbling.  Everything felt like it was on fire.

During the election as the states began to change from blue to red and orange to red, I had a very personal moment of releasing the dam of 30 plus years of my deepest darkest secret. It hurt. It was personal. In a mere hour, I felt hope dissipate into the deepest pain and disbelief in my adult life. I was just shocked that so many Americans could “overlook” (my words as to how I felt them) DT’s direct insults on so many different groups of people and still vote for him. To me, the act of voting for DT actually felt inhumane, like an attack on me, and a direct bullet to my heart.  Then again, I’ve always been a softy for humanity. Now that the emotional tsunami is subsiding I can see in so many ways this election, DT, and all that is following is exactly as it’s supposed to be AND I’m fired up.  It is Divine Timing.

Kam Chancellor, yes, #31 Seattle Seahawks (GO HAWKS!) superstar strong safety, wrote a very powerful message on his IG feed. And while I do not know my Bible versus the message he shares is still the same regardless of your chosen “religion.”

“My president is Trump because I understand that God places kings on thrones (Daniel 2:21), and I must respect who he places in authority (Romans 13:1-7). It’s a reason he placed Donald Trump in this role. To test our FAITH.”

Gulp. Eyes lower as I finally exhale in surrender to the heart and this reality which I was so sad to be a part of…

Fuck, he’s right.

Now before I hear you say, “You’ve fallen into the masses.  Haunani, how could you?” Hear me out.  “Trust the process” or “have faith” DOES NOT mean become complacent.  To me, trust the process and have faith means to accept the outcome as is (what done is done for today) but to use this as a wake-up call, to realize I was becoming complacent in my cozy little bubble and that it’s time to get to work.  I trust and have faith as I stand tall in who I am, what I believe in, and never give up on all of humanity that God/Universe/whatever name you use is behind me 100%.

Maybe, just maybe enough of us have been praying about this “change,” and talking about a “needed change,” that God is delivering all our prayers.  Tuesday was the tipping point, perhaps a gift in disguise.   For many, it’s not how we would like it to look.  It’s messy.  It’s painful.  It’s creating divisions where there once felt like unity.  Friendships are collapsing.  Families are fragmenting.  It’s popped the bubble of my reality and many others. It’s nothing like the 24 minutes of anticipation when ooooie gooooey brownie batter gets transformed and changes into perfect morsels of delight.  But it is a good analogy because to get from the ooooooie goooooey to morsels of delight requires FIRE.  Fire and heat are catalysts. This literal and figurative fire we are feelings, watching, experiencing is the change we were all voting for (no matter who your vote went to)…it just looks a lot different and feels a lot different than we ever anticipated, imagined, and dreamt about when we were praying about it.

Change always requires another force to act upon the current system in order for the molecules, trajectory, and outcomes to change. Literally, this is science. But when it happens to us personally, especially when we weren’t “ready” for this change even though many of us who are most upset have been asking for this change of consciousness for some time, we feel shaken to the core.  And it’s okay to feel shaken, just don’t let those shakes paralyze you.  It’s okay to feel depressed or dark, but trust that the light within you that makes you amazing is still there–it’s just needing a little time out to reflect and become brighter.  I am not tied to one religion but am a very spiritual person and have found much peace and much reassurance through these past few days by sitting in meditation, allowing the waves of my emotions to pass, and then just sitting in the void on the other side of those deeply painful waves.   The message I keep hearing is, “Do you Trust Me?” My heart always explodes into a million rays of light and I begin to feel a strong warm passionate response, “Yesssss. Yesssss. Yes.” But this is my journey. It may not be yours. However, I invite you to find more moments away from FB, social media and the TV to connect with something higher than yourself, go out in nature, move more inward than looking for answers on a screen, listen more deeply to the voice behind the emotions, and possibly see how things begin to shift (if ever so slightly).

Trusting the process is easier said than done but it is the mantra that I have put my faith into and continue to repeat since election day.  It reminds me of my faith and alignment to something higher than myself.   Trust the process for myself and my own healing. Trust the process for my family.  Trust the process for my friends, country, World, and our own perceived divisions. We have all called upon this time to come and now that it is here we need to take responsibility for what we brought in, prayed for, wished, discussed with friends, and daydreamed.  Some may even give thanks to this seemingly dark time.  It’s a choice.

It is incredibly powerful to find one thing about the last few days to be grateful for and watch how the whole perspective begins to shift.  This is especially useful if you feel stuck.  Maybe you’re grateful to see people for who they really are (as hard as it is to see and admit).  Maybe you’re grateful to have a group of friends, or a new group of friends around the globe, to turn to.  Maybe you’re grateful or thankful that four, even eight, years are a blink of an eye in the history of our existence.  No matter how personal or grand, gratitude is a very powerful force that can begin to shift the dark to light.  For me…if it was not for this election I would still be pushing down those 30 plus years of silence, shame, guilt, and embarrassment that has built up from being sexually assaulted many times throughout my life. So while election day hurt like hell, I crumbled, relived every moment, remembered every boy or man, sobbed uncontrollably only to pick myself up and feel a tad bit more clear yet weaker than a dead mouse smashed by a car, I proudly and very humbly say thank you election.  Thank you for allowing my dam of anger, silence, shame, guilt, and embarrassment break wide open and pour out of me. Thank you for finally giving that part of me a voice and forever being freed from the fear of anyone (except the one or two people who I had confided in) finding out.  Now that my biggest skeleton in the closet is out, I feel so free.  It feels amazing.  I am not broken.  I am not a different person.  I am just a shinier less convoluted version of myself…AND IT FEELS GREAT.  So not only thank you election for this amazing healing opportunity, I really owe my thanks to DT, the man I hated and felt utter detest towards for the last year or so. Without your ego and hate, I would not be a better person. So truly, thank you.  AND watch out World because I’m FIRED UP!

Now that I have spent a lot of reflection time on the yoga mat and away from the screens…I am hopeful. I am trusting the process. I am definitely NOT becoming complacent but I am trusting the process. I am walking my talk more than ever but with a new fire and passion for really holding myself and others accountable for treating each other with respect, integrity, and love.  I am lucky to have a strong Marine to stand next to me, who makes me more proud of our service to this country and the sacrifices we are constantly making, and to hold my hand with the unknown of a new Commander in Chief who blatantly insults the military.  But I am hopeful and I am trusting the process.  And this is what is allowing me to spread the Aloha once again.

Aloha & Namaste

Please know:  I have spent the last thirteen years of my life digging into the depths of my own fears, suffering, uncertainty, and pain.  I have lost friends, found new friends, grew stronger in my truest of friends, strayed from family and then reunited in tighter bonds, traveled the world working with different teachers looking for the magic pill, cared about humanity so deeply it made me physically sick, gave up on humanity because it felt like too much…and here I am strong, proud, pissed off right now but hopeful, and more aligned with my purpose than ever.  I move in and out of these huge emotional swings and world-changing perspectives much quicker than ever before only because I have done it a lot.  If you are reading this and it is the first time you’ve been confronted with this level of disappointment, you are not alone.  You are not broken.  I’ve been there too, a lot.  Please find someone you trust, stay connected, and do not get attached to the emotion.  It too will pass.  This is a major shift in consciousness.  Trust the light within you–it will be there after this feeling of darkness.  You are being asked to clean the closet, to move away from anything that dulls your light and to shine brighter than ever.  Stand tall in what you believe in.  We are in this together.